ok Jake has said two things to me today that were not very nice. :0P

the first was something like "your intelligence has grown a lot since we've been dating" which could be interpreted either way i spose and which i dont think he MEANT as a mean comment but if you know him like i do he pretty much meant that i have gotten a lot smarter in the past few years specifically BECAUSE i have been living with him.

the second was also not meant to be mean i dont think but was related to lj and amounted to him telling me that probably only a quarter of the people i think like me on lj really do. Which is not very nice but again i dont think he meant it to be mean. he sounded like he was going out of his way not to offend me and like he just wanted to help me.

one thing i know for sure is that i have gotten a lot more pissed off since i moved in but this is because of two things i think. 1 - the internet pisses me off because in real life i think i come off a little more bright and a little less flakey and 2 - jake is a total sweetie but it is hard living with anyone i think.

one thing about the internet: it has made me TONS less humble. i find myself talking to morons who think they are smarter than me and tell me im stupid and that my iq is 90 and im like "uh actually ASSHOLE it was well over [bleep] last i checked you fucking douchebag".

jake makes me feel smart though because he is pretty smart but im smarter haha. also i smell a lot better and dont drool.

i feel so sorry for this dude who lives in our apartment complex and he seems like a normal nice guy who just runs into bad luck and trouble wherever he goes. plus we are not spose to be fixing cars in the parking lot cuz i dunno i guess that is like white trashy or something and anyway sometimes he does and people give him crap about it and i this is mean. :0P i mean come on let the dude fix his car. it's not like he has the money to pay to get it fixed and towed and all that. i mean if i could fix my own car id do it except for the fact that i am lazy.

sometimes he is out there in the morning waking peepos up with trying to start the car for like 20 minutes and this makes peepos upset and you know come on give the dude a break. if you are lucky enough to have a car that starts in the morning keep your yapper shut.

i would like to be nice to him just so he knows there are good nice peepos in the world but this might cause problems for obvious reasons since he might think i want to blow him and also because my gaycups might think i want to blow him.

anyhow my friends i would just like to say be kind to your neighbors and love everyone and do not be mean.

jake is quiet (namely upset) with me cuz i found some pills under the couch and took them all without even knowing what they are. i think they were legal uppers and legal downsers from long ago so dont go calling the fuzz. i am a little wired tho and proof of this is that jake got sick of me and is watching crimnal minds and i am here playing on the pooter ignoring misses cook which is just crazy if you ask me.

lately we watched night skies and jake acted like he was not scared but i think he was. maybe not scared of the movie but scard cuz i kept jumping up and screaming for realz.

also in the news the trolls are ignoring me. opposite of the way it was in aliens 3 cuz in that movie they ignore you when there is an evil one growing in you and that is not what happened here.

i keep trying to talk to jake and he keeps telling me to hush. which is cute cuz he got that word from me like every over cute thing he got from me.

i am totally FLIPPIN bored and jakups is watching some alexander the grape crap on the hitler channel. my witto head hurts and i am too lazy to take a flippin aspirin. no one loves me and i want the old jakups back cuz this new one who does not smoke hooda all the time is a total flippin bore.

sometimes i totally think i am going nuts. some days its like i KNOW for a fact that the reasons mister jake does not want to marry me make sense and are things that do not hurt me like when he says "if we get married we will have nothing to look forward to" and "i am afraid when we get married you will take me for granted." then some days it totally feels like that is all a rooz and he really does not love me and is just waiting for an excuse to dump my rather nicely shaped buttocks.

maybe it is chemical imbalances in my brain. what would a normal person in my shoes think? how do i know which feelings are right and which are paranoid crazy feelings?

high school sucked ass beyond belief but being an adult is a million times worse. being a little girl is like being on the playground and being a woman is like being a nurse in a war zone with people dying all around. you cant hide the bad stuff anymore because not only is it happening to people around you you love but it also can happen to you at any moment.

dumbass should be home soon. i rented "lost" so we can see how that is (bad or worse) if he doesnt have too much work to do on the pooter.

yesterday we watched fuck i forgot already. well the one was harsh times and that was kick ass but the other one was with forrest whitaker and that one ho who always kisses black people.

i am going to start making jake respect me like the men in deadwood do. he must rise when i enter the room and if he is playing with himself drop it and salute me.

this is the second night we are watching 24 season 4. i guess i can indeed see how that show survived and boomtown got canned. i used to think 24 was oh so cool but after watching a certain season twice i guess you can kinda see how it is melodramatic.

jake might be working at his old job soon, the one that didnt pay much but that he kinda had the choice about doing work here or there. except if he does the work here i will have no computer to play with because i let my mom borrow her laptop back.

i miss mister trigglesworth and want to ride him or her again. (that was a private joke meant for jakups.)

i do love my sweet gay baby jakups. he means the world to me and if any girl goes near him i will tear out her fucking heart and swallow it myself then put cement in her snatch so she can never make love again.

jobs
i hate my life. jake is going to be mostly on temporary layoff this week and my dad may have to move to seattle or portland or one of those horrible places. he does not want to go back to law because there isnt enough money in it unless he whores himself out.

keep buying those foreign cars people and soon no one in fucking michigan will have a job.

misses a.j. cook
i tried to watch f.d.2 again earlier and it was very painful. i want to be her so bad and i started weeping and then jake started laughing at me because he knew why i wept. i cant help it dudes. she is so pretty that i want to be her so bad it makes me sad.

mom
i feel bad for yelling at mom yesterday. but it was kinda funny though cuz we were going into the rochester pet store and jake was in the back and she told me not to drive like a maniac. so i yelled at her "im not fucking driving like a maniac" and jake was like "you want me to drive?" and she was like "no, jacquelyn is a good driver who sometimes drives like a maniac but you are a maniac who always drives like a maniac."

i just thought that was quite amusing. i am going to see if i can find that one clip of a.j. driving like a maniac and screaming but from what i remember it is impossible to find on the disk if you are slightly stoned. which i may be.

p.s. i am a very sweet person.

my mom is mad at me because i screamed at her because dad spent 4 hours filling out forms on the pooter and it didnt go through.

jakups laughed and i punched him.

i cannot sleep. jake is sleeping like the baby he is. i miss him.

i finally got him into lifting weights again. he is into what he calls endurance as opposed to strength - he lifts a small amount a million times as opposed to a schwarzenegger amount 20 times. his weights look small. they make me laugh.

snowstorm last night. s.i.d. latenight cruise up sheldon/snell around rochester. very very pretty.

i want jakups to marry me. it pisses me off he does not want to and he always has some lame ass excuse about the government or about how we will love each other better and longer because what keeps us together is nothing but love as opposed to marriage and law and money and health insurance or whatever.

fag.